2010 Review
Hello World, Happy New Year and all that jazz! You are most certainly looking fantastic… Have you lost weight? You’re looking good!!! I apologize, but the end of 2010 presented a hint of writers block and therefore production ground to a halt… But I don’t need to say sorry to you do I? You all understand right?
It has taken 27 days of the New Year to even contemplate starting this post, which in the scheme of things wouldn’t seem so bad! But when one of your many New Years resolutions was to spend more time writing the blog it would translate that I’ve spent 27 days simply thinking about doing it! I’ve also just realised whilst writing, that this 27th thing may hold some hidden mysticism, what with this being my 27th year on this planet! But anyway that aside here I am about to embark on an epic review of 2010. Yes I know that it’s 27 days into 2011, however good things come to those who wait and I think reviews on day One of 2011 are so last year!
The easiest way to do this is to split it into convenient sections for your viewing pleasure, that way if a certain subject doesn’t interest you then you can totally bypass it! However to receive the entire intended effect I suggest you digest the full article in its full text based wonderment! So with nothing but the coffee in this oversized mug I will begin!
TV
2010’s television delivered a right mixed bag didn’t it? A cockney based tele-visual drama being one of the most talked about. Yes I am talking about ‘Eastenders’! This was the soaps 25th anniversary episode, which was to be performed LIVE! The whole Cluedo styled whodunit storyline was about to reach its crescendo. We’d already established that Archie Mitchell’s murder took place in ‘The Vic’ with ‘The Bust’, we just needed to find out who had killed him! It would seem that everyone in Walford had it in for poor Archie (God Bless Him!) yet none of the cast were told who had killed him until the live episode had started. The episode itself was pure car crash television, watching the actors bumble through fluffed lines and the apparent life signs of a dead Bradley after he’d fallen from a buildings roof were nothing short of comedic! But hey they can be let off; it’s live after all! Turns out that it was Stacey who done it guvnor!
Not to outdone, Coronation Street had a go later in the year for it’s 50th anniversary, with an anything you can do I can do better mentality! ‘Four Funerals and A Wedding’ was set to be aired live on the ITV and from all of the hype generated and housewives shouting from the roofs, this was set to be the greatest thing ever! In reality it was exactly what it was ‘A tram crash!’ Yes Corra went for the disaster storyline, one which usually happens when writers are running out of material and are desperately tying to increase viewing figures. Plot was thus, A gas explosion causes a tram to derail straight into the street. Luckily the tram, which looked like it could have come from Chuggington, landed on a few characters, killing a few and not killing the rest! Simple as that, and what made me laugh the most was the amount of disappointment that followed the episode the next day… The entire Nation was saddened! That’s what you get when you hype something up to be Die Hard Coronation Street and it turns out to be My Little Pony… but shit!
But aside from taking the piss 2010 television brought us some absolute gems, ‘Eric & Ernie’ on the BBC being one of the best things I’ve seen on television ever! This drama of the becoming of one of our best comedy duos was filled with solid performances from the entire cast and I have to admit I was gutted when the titles rolled at the end!
Other television highlights included the end of Big Brother and Jeremy Kyle getting hit by a chav with an envelope!
FILM
2010 Offered us some great films didn’t it?! The year of the flicky started well for me with the offering of ‘Kick Ass’, a film that in my opinion was going to be my film of the year hands down (See Review)… Oh how wrong I was! On the 25th of August 2010 Kick-Ass was completely trounced by the release of Edgar Wright’s (Shaun Of The Dead, Hot Fuzz, Spaced) Scott Pilgrim Vs The World. The adaptation of Bryan Lee O’Malley’s graphic novels was by far the movie of the year in my humble opinion (and it does matter!!!) Michael Cera played the roll of Scott Pilgrim who falls in love with Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) but has to defeat her 7 Evil Ex’s to ultimately be with her! The entire cast performs superbly and Edgar’s vision proves once again that he is one of Britain’s best directors.
Another outing for Disney’s Pixar in 2010 brought back one of the greatest franchises with the release of Toy Story 3. Woody, Buzz and cast reunite with a host of others in what could be their final outing on the big screen and I wasn’t disappointed! Funny in all the right places and damn heart wrenching in others (trust me if you don’t well up at the furnace scene you have no heart!)
Runner up for film of 2010 for me was ‘Inception’. Christopher Nolan crafting a beautiful yet at times confusing thriller starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Michael Caine and ‘Juno’ star Ellen Page. In this film technology exists that allows people to enter peoples dreams and with that theory in mind all amount of confusion unfolds! The dream, within a dream, within a dream concept is enough to question what the fuck is going on! If you can’t keep up with the unraveling story you are bound to get lost and will probably have to watch this over a few times before you’ll finally understand it. Another great cast Joseph Gordan-Levitt (500 Day’s Of Summer, 10 Things I Hate About You) giving a great performance and Tom Hardy, who has recently been confirmed to play ‘Bane’ in Christopher Nolan’s new Batman movie.
Other highlights included another Twilight movie (Eclipse), the first part of the last Harry Potter movie (:-() and Iron Man 2 in which Robert Downey replays his great performance as Tony Stark which makes you really look forward to him in the upcoming ‘Avengers’ movie!
NEWS/POLITICS
2010 proved to be a bit of a disaster for those who inhabit planet Earth. Starting the year off quite literally with a bang, Mother Nature in all her glory popped open a volcano in Iceland (not the frozen food outlet, although this may have wiped out Kerry Katona and her fucking prawn ring! So a bit of a disappointment!) This volcano spewed out volcanic ash (funnily enough,) which caused 11 days of travel chaos, grounded flights and general apocalyptic opinions across Britain… was this really the beginning of the end of existence? Was nice to see a Scottish guy on Sky News giving us his thoughts.
Mother Nature decided to fuck a few other things up in 2010 providing and Earthquake in Haiti and massive floods in Pakistan. One of the worst things that she threw up at us though was David ‘Gordon From Thomas the Tank Engine’ Cameron and professional bullshitter Nick Clegg! Yes 2010 was dominated by politics with the general election in which nobody quite won! A coalition was formed between The Conservatives and The Liberal Democrats (Con-Dems) and between them they were going to save the world. Later this policy backfired slightly with Clegg going against some of his original statements when he decided to hike up University fees. Cue student protests and general public disorder as teachers and students alike rioted and ran amuck around the capital! It was like a scene from a zombie movie and all in all pretty good other than some complete mong’s that spoilt everything by setting fire to stuff and one throwing a fire extinguisher at a policeman from the top floor of an office block (Well done!) Overall the riots proved that students are just as bad as sulking teenagers and their stomping about didn’t get the government to turn around on the increase of fees, in fact it was like a big ‘fuck you!’ for all the rioting!
Other highlights included the ‘Bigot-gate’ scandal in which Gordon Brown called a fat woman a bigot whilst the media was watching. Cue hilarity when said media told the fat, old bigot woman and Gordon had to go to her house and apologise!
The Jeremy ‘Hunt’ radio blunder caused the nation to giggle like little school kids when presenter James ‘excuse the pun’ Naughtie publicly said what the nation was thinking live on air.
Also the World watched as some Chilean miners were rescued from their fate, a woman throws a cat in a wheely-bin and the Prince (not the artist formally known as) invited us all to their wedding next year… how nice!
SPORT
2010 was World Cup year proving once again that England are shit at everything to do with sport. After an embarrassingly short lived competition which saw us well and truly taught a lesson by the Germans, the overpaid prima donnas retreated to their luxury resort to relax and spend money. Rooney spat his dummy out and slagged off England fans, which booed the squad after a match (and he wonders why we don’t like him?)! Overall the outcome of the world cup was that, like England, Vuvuzelas do not belong in the sport!
World Cup aside other stories to come out of 2010 were that nearly every sports star couldn’t keep their cocks in their pants. First John Terry shags everyone, then Wayne Rooney does himself justice by shagging a couple of prostitutes while his wife sat at home up the duff. Golfer Tiger Woods showed the footballers why the two sports compliment each other by shagging the entire female population of the world!
Finally pop favourite Ashley Cole takes a photo of himself in what only can be described as a nappy!
In general and as a bit of a sum up 2010 was pretty shit with recession and the deficit being the things mentioned the most and if I’m being honest I reckon that 2011 will be dominated by those two words (joy!)
So there you have it, a very late, but quick little sum up of the year of 2010 ends!
Word for 2011 – Deficit
Mojo
Dispatches From The Idiotic Frontline 