A Late 2010 Review

2010 Review

Hello World, Happy New Year and all that jazz! You are most certainly looking fantastic… Have you lost weight? You’re looking good!!! I apologize, but the end of 2010 presented a hint of writers block and therefore production ground to a halt… But I don’t need to say sorry to you do I? You all understand right?

It has taken 27 days of the New Year to even contemplate starting this post, which in the scheme of things wouldn’t seem so bad! But when one of your many New Years resolutions was to spend more time writing the blog it would translate that I’ve spent 27 days simply thinking about doing it! I’ve also just realised whilst writing, that this 27th thing may hold some hidden mysticism, what with this being my 27th year on this planet! But anyway that aside here I am about to embark on an epic review of 2010. Yes I know that it’s 27 days into 2011, however good things come to those who wait and I think reviews on day One of 2011 are so last year!

The easiest way to do this is to split it into convenient sections for your viewing pleasure, that way if a certain subject doesn’t interest you then you can totally bypass it! However to receive the entire intended effect I suggest you digest the full article in its full text based wonderment! So with nothing but the coffee in this oversized mug I will begin!

TV

2010’s television delivered a right mixed bag didn’t it? A cockney based tele-visual drama being one of the most talked about. Yes I am talking about ‘Eastenders’! This was the soaps 25th anniversary episode, which was to be performed LIVE! The whole Cluedo styled whodunit storyline was about to reach its crescendo. We’d already established that Archie Mitchell’s murder took place in ‘The Vic’ with ‘The Bust’, we just needed to find out who had killed him! It would seem that everyone in Walford had it in for poor Archie (God Bless Him!) yet none of the cast were told who had killed him until the live episode had started. The episode itself was pure car crash television, watching the actors bumble through fluffed lines and the apparent life signs of a dead Bradley after he’d fallen from a buildings roof were nothing short of comedic! But hey they can be let off; it’s live after all! Turns out that it was Stacey who done it guvnor!

Not to outdone, Coronation Street had a go later in the year for it’s 50th anniversary, with an anything you can do I can do better mentality! ‘Four Funerals and A Wedding’ was set to be aired live on the ITV and from all of the hype generated and housewives shouting from the roofs, this was set to be the greatest thing ever! In reality it was exactly what it was ‘A tram crash!’ Yes Corra went for the disaster storyline, one which usually happens when writers are running out of material and are desperately tying to increase viewing figures. Plot was thus, A gas explosion causes a tram to derail straight into the street. Luckily the tram, which looked like it could have come from Chuggington, landed on a few characters, killing a few and not killing the rest! Simple as that, and what made me laugh the most was the amount of disappointment that followed the episode the next day… The entire Nation was saddened! That’s what you get when you hype something up to be Die Hard Coronation Street and it turns out to be My Little Pony… but shit!

But aside from taking the piss 2010 television brought us some absolute gems, ‘Eric & Ernie’ on the BBC being one of the best things I’ve seen on television ever! This drama of the becoming of one of our best comedy duos was filled with solid performances from the entire cast and I have to admit I was gutted when the titles rolled at the end!

Other television highlights included the end of Big Brother and Jeremy Kyle getting hit by a chav with an envelope!

FILM

2010 Offered us some great films didn’t it?! The year of the flicky started well for me with the offering of ‘Kick Ass’, a film that in my opinion was going to be my film of the year hands down (See Review)… Oh how wrong I was! On the 25th of August 2010 Kick-Ass was completely trounced by the release of Edgar Wright’s (Shaun Of The Dead, Hot Fuzz, Spaced) Scott Pilgrim Vs The World. The adaptation of Bryan Lee O’Malley’s graphic novels was by far the movie of the year in my humble opinion (and it does matter!!!) Michael Cera played the roll of Scott Pilgrim who falls in love with Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) but has to defeat her 7 Evil Ex’s to ultimately be with her! The entire cast performs superbly and Edgar’s vision proves once again that he is one of Britain’s best directors.

Another outing for Disney’s Pixar in 2010 brought back one of the greatest franchises with the release of Toy Story 3. Woody, Buzz and cast reunite with a host of others in what could be their final outing on the big screen and I wasn’t disappointed! Funny in all the right places and damn heart wrenching in others (trust me if you don’t well up at the furnace scene you have no heart!)

Runner up for film of 2010 for me was ‘Inception’. Christopher Nolan crafting a beautiful yet at times confusing thriller starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Michael Caine and ‘Juno’ star Ellen Page.  In this film technology exists that allows people to enter peoples dreams and with that theory in mind all amount of confusion unfolds! The dream, within a dream, within a dream concept is enough to question what the fuck is going on! If you can’t keep up with the unraveling story you are bound to get lost and will probably have to watch this over a few times before you’ll finally understand it. Another great cast Joseph Gordan-Levitt (500 Day’s Of Summer, 10 Things I Hate About You) giving a great performance and Tom Hardy, who has recently been confirmed to play ‘Bane’ in Christopher Nolan’s new Batman movie.

Other highlights included another Twilight movie (Eclipse), the first part of the last Harry Potter movie (:-() and Iron Man 2 in which Robert Downey replays his great performance as Tony Stark which makes you really look forward to him in the upcoming ‘Avengers’ movie!

NEWS/POLITICS

2010 proved to be a bit of a disaster for those who inhabit planet Earth. Starting the year off quite literally with a bang, Mother Nature in all her glory popped open a volcano in Iceland (not the frozen food outlet, although this may have wiped out Kerry Katona and her fucking prawn ring! So a bit of a disappointment!) This volcano spewed out volcanic ash (funnily enough,) which caused 11 days of travel chaos, grounded flights and general apocalyptic opinions across Britain… was this really the beginning of the end of existence? Was nice to see a Scottish guy on Sky News giving us his thoughts.

Mother Nature decided to fuck a few other things up in 2010 providing and Earthquake in Haiti and massive floods in Pakistan. One of the worst things that she threw up at us though was David ‘Gordon From Thomas the Tank Engine’ Cameron and professional bullshitter Nick Clegg! Yes 2010 was dominated by politics with the general election in which nobody quite won! A coalition was formed between The Conservatives and The Liberal Democrats (Con-Dems) and between them they were going to save the world. Later this policy backfired slightly with Clegg going against some of his original statements when he decided to hike up University fees. Cue student protests and general public disorder as teachers and students alike rioted and ran amuck around the capital! It was like a scene from a zombie movie and all in all pretty good other than some complete mong’s that spoilt everything by setting fire to stuff and one throwing a fire extinguisher at a policeman from the top floor of an office block (Well done!) Overall the riots proved that students are just as bad as sulking teenagers and their stomping about didn’t get the government to turn around on the increase of fees, in fact it was like a big ‘fuck you!’ for all the rioting!

Other highlights included the ‘Bigot-gate’ scandal in which Gordon Brown called a fat woman a bigot whilst the media was watching. Cue hilarity when said media told the fat, old bigot woman and Gordon had to go to her house and apologise!

The Jeremy ‘Hunt’ radio blunder caused the nation to giggle like little school kids when presenter James ‘excuse the pun’ Naughtie publicly said what the nation was thinking live on air.

Also the World watched as some Chilean miners were rescued from their fate, a woman throws a cat in a wheely-bin and the Prince (not the artist formally known as) invited us all to their wedding next year… how nice!

SPORT

2010 was World Cup year proving once again that England are shit at everything to do with sport. After an embarrassingly short lived competition which saw us well and truly taught a lesson by the Germans, the overpaid prima donnas retreated to their luxury resort to relax and spend money. Rooney spat his dummy out and slagged off England fans, which booed the squad after a match (and he wonders why we don’t like him?)! Overall the outcome of the world cup was that, like England, Vuvuzelas do not belong in the sport!

World Cup aside other stories to come out of 2010 were that nearly every sports star couldn’t keep their cocks in their pants. First John Terry shags everyone, then Wayne Rooney does himself justice by shagging a couple of prostitutes while his wife sat at home up the duff. Golfer Tiger Woods showed the footballers why the two sports compliment each other by shagging the entire female population of the world!

Finally pop favourite Ashley Cole takes a photo of himself in what only can be described as a nappy!

In general and as a bit of a sum up 2010 was pretty shit with recession and the deficit being the things mentioned the most and if I’m being honest I reckon that 2011 will be dominated by those two words (joy!)

So there you have it, a very late, but quick little sum up of the year of 2010 ends!

Word for 2011 – Deficit

Mojo

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The Difficult Return Post!

Ok Ok, So It’s been a while since my last post… sue me! I’ve had a lot on recently, and anyway you didn’t put me in the top 10 up and coming blogs on WordPress, so I feel that is reason enough for me not to apologise to you! But anyway a little less of the bitterness and let me turn my attention to One Born Every Minute (Channel 4), a show most definitely not for the faint hearted! The first problem I have with the show is who exactly are it’s intended target audience? It would seem to me that it can’t be aimed at expectant parents, as the show features parts that would give Nadya Suleman second thoughts! Also it figures that this show is not intended for the male audience, and any man that can say “I watched that and quite enjoyed it!” or “I have it series linked on sky plus” really needs to get some help, you freak! The audience it does seem to attract however (and for reasons unknown) are brooding women and over 50’s women, who enjoy taking the opportunity of boasting “Been there, done that and with less support” at any opportunity, evilly grinning when the expectant Mother’s pain becomes unbearable!

If you haven’t watched the programme, you really have saved yourself from a lot of grimacing, cowering, making excuses to wash the pots and unexpectedly hating some of the awaiting Mothers & Fathers! Kelly was one I took a particular dislike too! In the episode she was expecting her Fifth child and it would seem she had only gotten pregnant to get high on gas and air, which I hasten to say that I probably paid for! She spent the better part of the labour being a spoilt shit and not doing as the midwife had told her despite being told that how she was laid was bad for the baby. Oh no Kelly was too stoned to give a shit about this and also obviously an expert in child birth that she refused at every attempt! Long and short of it, the drug riddled child entered the world with minor complication probably as a result of the previous births and all the family was happy, apart from Kelly who I think was probably too out of it to know what had happened or was thinking about her next fix off of the NHS! As you can probably tell, this woman infuriated me for some reason that I can’t quite pin point!

I’ve been on the official website to do a bit of research for this post, and was highly amused to see that the world had posted little comments for all of the parents who featured on the show! Even one stating ‘It’s a small world, I met you in Spain and I’m up the duff too!’ or something along them lines, I’m just paraphrasing! Channel 4 has now given the opportunity for the world to become the potential new best friends of the new parents! Mental!

The programme however, did produce a right couple of gems! First time parents Joy and Fabio should be given there own prime time television show for their entertaining rendition of childbirth! Channel 4 really should have called the programme ‘The Joy & Fabio Show‘ as it would have attracted higher viewing figures! The couple argue, bicker and disagree through the entire labour with snippets of comedy gold presented in the form of Fabio! If the programme is to be watched it would solely be for these two! Joy’s comic timing is impeccable, delivering lines such as “I don’t want a fat baby” with the skills of a top class sitcom actress!

So come on Channel 4, cater to the masses ‘The Joy & Fabio Show‘ could replace that bullshit show ‘A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away‘ and probably improve figures Tenfold! On a more positive note for channel 4, I’m loving the title for their show this evening at half past Seven, ‘White Boy, Black Nanny‘ which conjures images of Chris Tucker and Martin Lawrence with perhaps Owen Wilson or Jackie Chan thrown in there for good measure! I should really watch it tonight and review it, I didn’t even read what it was really about, I don’t want to shatter the dream!

Mojo

Here’s Joy and Fabio’s Television Debut, Enjoy… Well Try To!

Edge Of Seats For Edge Of Darkness

Welcome back Mr Gibson, and what a great come back it is. His first major acting performance since 2002, Gibson plays Detective Thomas Craven a veteran Boston homicide cop, who is also a single Father to 24 year old Daughter Emma (Bojana Novakovic), his only child. Emma returns home for an apparent vacation from her job, where she soon develops odd symptoms of vomiting blood, before totally freaking out and screaming at her Dad to take her to a Doctor, and also declaring that ‘There’s something I should have told you!‘. The ungrateful cow then gets blown away in a drive by shooting on her Father’s doorstep without even telling him what it was he needed to be told (evidently the plot would have ended here but it would have been nice!) Initially the shooting was thought to have been intended for Detective Thomas Craven himself, but as he drops into detective mode he starts to uncover Emma’s secret life as an activist and begins his decent into a deep dark cavern of a government conspiracy!

Cue the help of a man working for the government, solely for the purpose of covering things up so this conspiracy doesn’t rear it’s seedy little head. This man is called Jedburgh, and he’s played by returning cockney hard-man Ray Winstone! But I’m afraid that from his first appearance in the film I couldn’t help but see him in the Bet365 adverts and was half expecting him to go into his spiel: “Bet365.com is all about the inplay, it’s all about The Next Person Killed, The Number Of Suspects, The Time It Takes You To Solve The Mystery, The Number Of Bullets Fired, The Final Prediction Of The Plot-line!” It was however quite nice to see him back on the big screen doing things other than his sell out adverts, and his character was everything you would expect. Just Ray, in his black suit/white shirt combo, being really cockney! But being serious for just a moment, Winstone gives a pretty good performance, once you see past the adverts, and by the end of the movie you’ll find yourself really warming to the character.

Mel Gibson plays the part of Thomas Craven absolutely superb, showing that he hasn’t just rehashed previous characters from past movies and has infact proven why he is still considered as a talented actor. Thomas Craven as a character is one that I really took a shine to, and I would even say that he’s been my favourite character in a movie for quite some time. It was a shame that he would only be making one outing in ‘Edge Of Darkness‘ (Warner Brother’s, is it too much to ask for you to do a couple of prequels, so we, or at least I can see Thomas Cravens back story? Please!) It would also seem that Thomas Craven has done for Ginger Ale what James Bond did for Martini, asking for one whenever the opportunity presented itself. The only downside to Mel Gibson’s performance is that his Boston accent sometimes slipped into Family Guy’s Peter Griffin, but it did present opportunity for another Family Guy feature length movie spoof so I’ll let it slip!

Little do people know is that the movie is actually a remake of a television series of the same name from the 80’s, made here in old Blighty for the BBC (God Save The Queen!) It’s a series that I haven’t actually seen yet, however the roller coaster ride of a storyline in the film, and a mild love affair with the character of Thomas Craven has driven me to purchase the original series, and that’s something I don’t do very often!

Overall, although I know we’re hardly into it, Edge Of Darkness has put itself firmly in my best films of 2010 list and I would recommend you all to get your asses to the cinema to see it, if not for the excuse to watch a decent thriller at least to see what you think of Mel Gibson’s superb Peter Griffin impression! So stick it to the jews and get yourself to the nearest cinema to watch Gibson in action… Go now, what you waiting for!

Mojo


(As usual, here’s the trailer!)

Avatar, very much!

So I finally got round to seeing the film that people have been raving about for the last month or so! A film filled more blue people and special effects than that ‘Die Hard’ remake with ‘The Smurfs’! I am of cause talking about James Cameron’s blockbuster, Avatar.

The general gist of the story is simply this:

It’s the future, 2154 to be precise and us humans have taken a shine of nostalgia and gone back to going down t’ pit, to mine for this precious mineral called ‘Unobtanium‘ (Whoever thought of that name seriously needs shooting!) This ‘Unobtanium’ is found on the moon of ‘Pandora’ a planet which consists of some of the most lavish landscapes in cinema history, seriously David Attenborough would get aroused just looking at it, in-fact I think that he should do a documentary of ‘Pandora’ in the style of ‘Planet Earth‘ as a bluray/DVD extra! Anyway I digress, ‘Pandora’ is full of blue people things known as The Na’vi a tribe of humanoids which are a mixture of ‘The Smurfs’ and Playstation 3’s ‘Eyepet’! Now as is usually the case, the Humans medalling causes a little bit of an upset with the Na’vi’s, what with the total destruction of their planet and all, and it also seem that in the year 2154 that we don’t have any true political system as the human Marines really don’t seem to give a shit about diplomacy, instead opting to take orders from one or two people, Giovanni Ribisi’s character Parker Selfridge, who I still can’t add up what his role in the film was, technically his character may as well have been Frank Buffay Jr who had played the stocks at sometime after he was in ‘Friends’ and developed a building company that specialised in bulldozing foresty areas to the ground. The other character Col. Miles Quaritch, played by Stephen Lang wouldn’t look out of place in a Nineties ‘Street Fighter’ movie. He provides the films sinister edge and fuck the world mentality, a typical Jarhead?

Anyway I’m getting way ahead of myself, in the meantime a project has been developed to genetically modify a few bodies of the Na’vi people so that they can be used by the humans to interact with the Na’vi and hopefully end up striking a deal with them to share the ‘Unobtanium‘. Enter Corporal Jake Sully, a cripple in a wheelchair, who has been selected to become one of these hijacked Na’vi’s or Avatars (See there’s the title of the movie right there, Cameron you genius you!) Anyway he steps, or rather rolls out of the dropship at the beginning of the film to begin his life on Pandora as a Na’vi. The project is run by Sigourney Weaver or rather Dr. Grace Augustine, who mentors Jake as an Avatar and hopes that by doing this they can win over the trust of the Na’vi!

So that near enough brings us up to speed. Queue plot twist that Jake gets lost in the jungle of ‘Pandora‘ and winds up getting adopted by a tribe of Na’vi’s called ‘The Omaticaya’ by pure coincidence it would seem. He then falls in love Neytiri, the Princess of the Omaticaya and decides that he doesn’t want to be a human anymore, but wants to knock about with the blue people, so much so that he even does the dirty with Neytiri and turns his back on the human mining campaign!

I won’t spoil the films climax, but you can expect to see a big budget battle, with explosions a plenty, and lots of people screaming and the like with arrows and bullets being shot through various body parts!

The whole experience of the movie was to be immersed in its lavish surrounding, and that was presented to us in glorious 3D in a lot of cinemas. If you were unlucky enough to see the movie in regular/boring 2D then you may as well have not seen the film at all as 3D is what this film was made for.

Overall I was pleasantly surprised that the film lived up to the hype around it, however I’m not pleased to hear that Cameron has decided to make Avatar into a trilogy when really it could have just been left as a single movie and leave it as a truly magic piece of cinema. He now however runs the risk of destroying something near perfect with a string of follow ups, and no doubt a cartoon version of the series comes of in the near future as tends to be the trend these days! I hope that Cameron proves me wrong on this!

Mojo

Watch Trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeh2KILn7O4

Ricky Gervais 2009: Science

So you join me once again as I regale you with stories from my back catalogue, which today involves my very recent jaunt to the ‘Manchester Apollo’ to see the legend that is Ricky Gervais or the ‘Cum Pig’ as he is now known! The show was fantastic, lasting a mere hour however that hour was crammed with comedy gold! Ever the one to offend, Ricky definitely didn’t fail us, having a pop at ‘Amanda Holden’, ‘Mongs’, ‘Gays’, ‘Gypsies’, ‘Fat people’, ‘Ken Dodd’, ‘The Church’ and even ‘God’ all for shits and gigs, using the charm offensive to make it somewhat acceptable!
The show was called ‘science’, however Ricky admitted that it was a bit of a lie because there wasn’t much talk of science at all really! One of the highlights was his depiction of ‘Noah’s Ark’ which was hilarious, using a book he was given as a child, he read it and took the piss out of the pictures and the words (you really have to see it for yourself to appreciate it!)

I was glad to see that Gervais had sacked off that pile of shite comedian Robin Ince as his support and gone for a much funnier Stewart Francis, showing that the art of the one liner is still very much alive and that Canada is producing comedians that the nation can be proud of!

Overall, although it wasn’t the longest show in the world (you don’t expect it from a two time Bafta winner anyway!) It was side splittingly funny and Gervais continues to prove that you don’t have to be PC all the time to make fans!

Nein Nein Nine!

Hello and welcome to another blog from yours truly. I have recently returned from the cinema, where myself and the Mrs watched a film so horrific that six people walked out after the first half hour. No I’m not talking ‘Paranormal Activity’, I’m talking Rob Marshals ‘Nine’! A film that could have been mistaken for a feature length ‘Chanel’ advert, just without Baz Luhrmann and with less of a budget! Nicole Kidman also stars in this film, however she gives a better performance in the two minute perfume advert. The only good thing that I can take from this film other than actually leaving the cinema, is the slutty, albeit painfully long performance of Penélope Cruz prancing around in her underwear and later trying to top herself… (“I’ll be here waiting for you…With my legs open” classic line!)
I have to admit I was rather disappointed to see that Kate Hudson kept most of her clothes on and only teasingly revealed a stocking top for a fraction of a second during the movie! Stacy Ferguson (Fergie to you and me) did bring something from the movie, and that was to stick to singing with the ‘Black Eyed Peas’ and not decide to pursue a career in the movie industry… No really Fergie, not even a cameo!
Dame Judi Dench and Sophia Loren appear to represent the ‘vintage bintage’ through the drawling, confusing story line, Loren as the Mother of Daniel Day-Lewis’ character ‘Guido’ and Dame Dench as a sort of posh Dot Cotton, perhaps the result of Dot studying a little harder at school… and moving to Italy?!
As this has turned into somewhat of a review I must therefore comment on all of the cast performances. Marion Cottilard does what she does best… looks pretty in a foreign kind of way and all credit must go to Day-Lewis… Not for his acting however, but for enduring the long drawn out filming of the movie (christ he even looked bored but at least he’s getting paid for it!)
Overall I must say as musicals go it was shite, and as films go it was also shite. So the sum up the film ‘Nine’ was double shite!

I hope that this little blog will save you from loosing two hours of your lives, if you still see it after reading may your death be quick and painless. Below is a link of the trailer, watch that instead!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_5_lzags3I