R.I.P MCA (Adam Yauch) 1964-2012

So it’s been almost a year since my last official blog entry here on WordPress and it’s taken some sad news to be the catalyst to sit down in front of my very neglected computer and start to type! Honestly this introduction is what can only be described as stage fright in written format… Is it like riding a bike though? Once you’ve learnt how to do it you never forget… Anyway, no apologies for my lengthy absence, I just hope you’ve all been patient enough to wait around for me!

So the sad news was the recent passing of Adam Yauch (MCA) of ‘The Beastie Boys’, which I found out about as the news broke just over 24 hours ago. Now you might think that this is a bit of a weird thing to kick-start a blog that’s not had any active material for such a long time, but hear me out… This entry is a tribute to a man that has played a massive part in my life, a hero if you will! It’s not a blog about the death of Adam Yauch, but a celebration of his life and how he and the ‘Beastie Boys’ put their fingerprints on my life!

As most of you are probably aware by now Adam Yauch passed away yesterday (May 4th 2012) after a Three Year battle with a rare form of cancer. I found out the news in a hotel room in London after a shock ‘R.I.P’ post had been put up on a friends Facebook page. Instantly I’d opened the search engine to try and find out if this was true… MCA dead?! Surely just a badly timed rumor… And then there it was! Confirmation was like a baseball bat to the gut and it really took the wind out of my sails. Now I know you may think that this is a little dramatic (you didn’t know him!) but through his music and legacy I kind of do in a mad sort of way… I’m rambling!

With that I fired up Twitter put up a message ‘R.I.P MCA (Adam Yauch), So fucking sad! #beastieboysforlife’

The news was only just breaking when I posted that first tweet, but it wasn’t long before the world was finding out and tweeting their sadness, thoughts, and respects! I found myself retweeting celebrities tweets, about their memories of MCA and The Beasties and I sat there for a good few hours just reading all of these awesome accounts!

I first heard ‘The Beastie Boys’ when I was 10 years old with the release of Ill Communication (Their Second Triple platinum album!), which had the song that would later become the theme tune for myself and a group of close friends (Craig, Ben, Phil!) That song was ‘Sabotage’! I remember listening to the album over and over… and listening to it as it was intended to be listened to…LOUD! So many amazing tracks, ‘Sure Shot’, ‘Root Down’, ‘Get it together’… The kickass instrumental ‘Shambala’ and the great insider acoustic ‘Heart Attack Man’,

I think like every ‘Beastie’ fan out there, my parents weren’t fans of the sound at all! And this made me want to listen to them even more, to search out their earlier albums, and search and find I did! ‘Licensed to Ill’, The amazing album ‘Paul’s Boutique’ (The Beasties Sgt Pepper’s) and ‘Check your head’ being their 3 earlier studio albums, each one providing me with the music and lyrics to be in this exclusive club… I was a Beastie Boy!

I’m listening to the Beastie Boys now as I write this blog, each track bringing back some great memories, each time every track sounds fresh and like I’ve heard it for the first time again! I think that says a lot about the Beastie Boys… They’re timeless!

Needless to say from that day I first heard ‘Ill Communication’ back in ’94 I was hooked on every lyric, guitar riff, scratch, cut and baseline! And if you really listen to their first album ‘Licensed to Ill’ right through to they’re latest (perhaps now their last) album ‘Hot Sauce Committee: Part Two’ you’ll hear the perfect progression of music! Pure/Real Hip Hop! A tweet from Chromeo, summed the Beastie Boys up, ‘The Beastie Boys basically invented the concept of the cool white person!’ Too true!

Fair enough I wasn’t there at the start (I would have been I’m sure, but I was too young!) I wasn’t one of those stealing VW badges from cars and vans and wearing them around my neck (I have a couple now… completely legit 😉 ) However I can honestly say I’m a Beastie Boy For Life!

In 2009 I was so excited to see that The Beastie Boys was going to tour again and that they had announced that they were touring the UK (Finally this was my chance to see them live), unfortunately this was the year that Adam was diagnosed with cancer and through a heartfelt video message that was posted on they’re website Ad-Rock explained about MCA’s diagnosis and that they were cancelling a lot of the back end of they’re tour because of this! (This being The UK tour was cancelled.) I didn’t think at the time that this could have been my last chance to see them! Looking back at it now I am gutted I hadn’t gone out of my way to seen them earlier, they’re worth the price of airfares and hotels across in the States (CHRIST!)

Of course Adam Yauch wasn’t only known for his music, in later years he was a practicing Buddhist and became an important voice in the Tibetan Independence Movement! Also he was a great director, directing many of The Beastie Boys awesome music videos under the pseudonym Nathanial Hornblower! I recently watched ‘Awesome: I Fuckin’ Shot That’ (For about the 100th time) a concert film shot by Adam (Nathanial) in 2006 and I have to admit it is the best music concert film I have seen! Pure Class!

Those that know me personally will probably understand this blog a little better, they’ll know how much ‘The Beastie Boys’ mean to me, how much their music has been a part of my life and how gutted I am to not see them live or to experience the anticipation of another studio album! I’m simply trying to pour out my feeling in tribute to the loss of someone great in this blog entry!

I’ll wrap up by simply saying thank you Adam Yauch for your music, your lyrics, for founding the Beastie Boys back in ’79 as a hardcore punk band and progressing so far that every track leaves a solid imprint on you! If you’re reading this and you’re not familiar with The Beastie Boys then do yourself a favor and get aquainted!

Rest In Peace Adam Yauch (MCA) 1964-2012

BEASTIE BOYS FOR LIFE!

Mojo out!

A Right Royal Mess!

Hello World! Once again it’s been far too long since my last instalment and for that I have to say… what did you expect?!

I pick up this blog after Britain united in the mass hysteria that was the Royal Wedding.  On the 29th of April you couldn’t get away from it. Royal Wedding fever hit the nation and it would seem that everyone wanted to jump on the bandwagon. Rumours circled a few days before the wedding that people were having street parties and get togethers to celebrate, proving that once again us in good old Blighty find any type of excuse for a knees up!

I personally tried to flee from the hype of it all, which in itself proved a near impossibility with balloons, bunting and for some bizarre reason personal messages for the happy couple in Three Foot letters across shop windows. Every television channel boasted to have ‘The Best’ coverage of proceedings and it wouldn’t have surprised me to hear that QVC had shut up shop for the day! The whole World was watching, and coverage started from about 7am with random people saying what the couple would probably be doing at said times of the morning, most of it was complete bullshit like “Wills and Harry are probably eating a sausage sandwich and drinking a glass of port right now’. The likelihood was that our future King was either still asleep or having a morning shit!

The day unfolded as a wedding day usually does with guests arriving then the Grooms party followed a little later by the Bride, which by the reaction of the crowds was a complete surprise to them. Commoner Kate took forever to walk the aisle and seemed to be loving the fact that she had the right to walk so bloody slow. Perhaps she was weighing up her future subjects and deciding which she will have beheaded.

The dress was one of the most talked about subject of the day, who was it made by? How long was the train? What colour was the dress? Whether she’d turn up naked? Turns out that she was indeed wearing a wedding dress designed by Alexandra McQueen and it was very nice! (What more do you want?)

The ceremony was long and drawn out and they said the ‘I do’ bits and they were married, which was good because that was the whole intention of the day.

The Newlyweds then took a trip to have a very subtle peck on the lips for their ‘first kiss’ when really you could see that Wills wanted nothing more than to get her home and give his new wife a damn good royal seeing to! I could tell by the look on Harry’s face that if Will didn’t take her away soon that he’d have a go! Basically the day ended there and through one wedding the Royal family extended their popularity for another 20 years!

To sum up the royal wedding, it was like a real life Disney movie, complete with the dashing Prince Charming, A lucky common woman, horse drawn carriages, A heart-warming theme tune and even the peasants in the streets celebrating with flagons of mead!

Not to be upstaged, 4 days later America decided that Great Britain had had too much attention and played their trump card by declaring that they had killed a man they had been looking for, for the past 11 years! Yes we’re talking about the death of Osama Bin Laden. Plenty of opportunities for the conspiracy theorists to sink their teeth into this one too! Shot Dead, Body Taken, Examined, Confirmed and Dumped at sea all before the day was out! Hmmmm… Something smells a little fishy there and I’m not just talking about Bin Ladens boot-straps!

I’m not going to get too political about this but is there any wonder that the World are more than a little suspicious of this ground shaking news when no evidence has been paraded? The news was greeted in America by people taking to the streets and chanting U.S.A making it seem like some sort of Worldwide sporting event, one that could replace the clay pigeon shoot at the Olympic games perhaps?! “And taking the Gold medal for terrorist shoot… United States Of America!” I’d watch it!

The outcome of this news is pretty uncertain, putting the whole world on tenterhooks like a particularly good episode of Eastenders, just an episode with slightly more bloodshed, less Cockney’s and with more real life repercussions!

So there you go, a couple of events that have ended April and started May! What’s in store for us over the coming Months I don’t know, but I do know one thing… I’ll have something to say about them.

Peace

Mojo

HELP JAPAN!

Hello World. Not very often you get one of these from me but brace yourselves for a serious post! As everyone is well aware (Unless you happen to live in a media free environment, on the moon or are just absolutely oblivious to what’s happening beyond your front door!) the crisis in Japan following the devastating Earthquake and the consequent Tsunami has continued to get worse. With Thousands either missing or dead and with the rest of the immediate population living with short supply of food, fresh water and without electricity. They have lost homes and loved ones!

Now with the raised threat of a nuclear nightmare the people of Japan really need help. Everyone is talking about how bad the situation is but how many have actually acted on their words? I am therefore writing this post to ask you, the readers to donate anything you can to Japanese Earthquake & Tsunami Relief Fund (Global Giving). You can do this by clicking on the picture at the bottom of this post or the highlighted link above and simply putting the amount you wish to donate in the box. Every little helps!

Thank you for your time and hopefully your donations.

Mojo

On Modern Art

Hello you beautiful people and welcome to yet another article from yours truly. I hope you’re all well, and yes you should definitely buy those shoes!

It is an age-old question, and one that will continue to be asked, and argued, for lifetimes to come. That question is, “What is constituted as art?”

A recent trip to Liverpool had me pondering that very question!

A trip to ‘The Tate Modern’ was on the cards, written in black and white on our itinerary of things to do whilst in ‘The City Of Culture!’ Now this was a place I had obviously read about and heard of, however it wasn’t a place that I had plotted within my 1000 things to do before I died, in fact above which placed ‘Morris dancing in Sherwood Forrest’ and ‘Recreating The Battle Of The Somme at the local swimming baths’. My opinion of Tate Modern before entering was that inside it’s walls held pieces of work by ‘Artists’ who in reality, couldn’t be arsed to create Art! That they were paid stupid amounts of money for things the average Joe (You & Me) would throw in the bin… I was not disappointed! It would seem that having a shit in the corner and popping a little flag in it would be happily accepted into Tate’s collection!

As I walked around the rooms I was clearly out of my comfort zone as people discussed a pile of logs arranged in a circle with passion, stood and stared at a mans urinal in a display case and generally ponced around as art types usually do! I stopped for a moment to look at three basketballs suspended in a fish tank. This piece was by an artist called Jeff Koons and was called ‘Equilibrium’ and basically consisted of three orange basketballs in a tank full of water at varying heights and widths. Evidently I had been staring at the tank a little too intently, as if from nowhere a woman appeared behind me and asked,  “What do you see?”

I gave an honest answer, which went down like the Titanic. I said that I saw three basketballs in a tank of water! Which I did! Clearly this was the incorrect answer! The next thing the woman is stood in front of me, arms folded, and looking at me like I’d just killed her Mother and shat on her new carpet! The rest of my group had caught up with me now and the woman saw this as an opportunity to ask the same question with more enthusiasm to the rest of us! The girls asked if it represented ‘traveling through life’ as the balls seemed to be arranged in a way that made it them seem like it was flying up and then dropping! The woman then did the worse thing she could have done and said that the arrangement of the balls was actually not as the artist had intended them to be, and that in fact they were meant to be equally spaced and at the same height in the middle of the tank. So this bloody Jeff Koons hadn’t even done a proper job. He had created art that as I said before he couldn’t be arsed to do and then couldn’t even be arsed to do what he set out to do!

As the rest of them tried to find the hidden meaning behind the flawed water balls, I snuck away to look at some more ‘modern art’. I saw a piece by Armand Fernandez called ‘Condition Of  Woman’ which was meant to raise questions about value, bring private life into the public domain and examine the image of woman constructed by society! Very poignant stuff I’m sure you’ll agree! However the actual work was just a load of shit collected from a bathroom cabinet and shoved in a Perspex case. It contained:-

A Condom

A Hand Mirror

Some Cotton Wool

A Single Stocking

Nail Varnish

A Bottle

And the thing that really brings this art piece to life… A tampon!

Another example of ‘Modern Art’ just being a case of not being arsed! This guy has just emptied his cupboard and took it round to Tate rather than throwing it in the fucking bin where it belongs!!!

Having enough of room number one we drifted into room number two which for a little while I started to see exhibits that I sort of enjoyed for probably the wrong reasons. Such as ‘Ska’s Not Dead’ by Jim Lamble, which was basically a DJ deck, covered in pink and spinning, which I could explain, but from it hung a black glove with safety pins in it?! Also other highlights included the Potato producing electricity and a video of two guys sat in bowler hats getting pissed… now that is art! We even had an attempt at creating some modern art of our own. One of us simply took off a shoe and left it in a corner… it wasn’t long before people were gathering around it trying to guess it’s mystical significance! Which sort of backs up my argument of modern art being bullshit! If not I’m sure the next couple of displays will 100% confirm it!

Number 1:-

A collection of photographs of milk bottle on doorsteps… An Artist or a bored Milkman?

And the ultimate waste of time, which made me want to throw myself out of a window in sheer frustration! It was this absolute beauty by a guy called Michael Craig-Martin.

An Oak Tree… This is what the plaque says:-

While this appears to be a glass of water on a shelf, the artist states that it is in fact an oak tree.

NO IT FUCKING ISN’T AN OAK TREE… IT’S A GLASS OF WATER ON A FUCKING SHELF!!! Go on look at the picture… It’s a glass of water on a shelf!

The final room we went into was a little better, an interactive experience of a disco dance floor encouraged people to put on headphones and have a dance, which I took them up on the kind offer and danced to the Bee-Gees in pure 70’s disco euphoria!

It sounds like I have been really negative about everything in Tate and to be fair on a hole it is full of shite, however in between the rubbish that’s in there are some absolute gems that even I had fun trying to decipher and I think it is trying to find these gems that makes art fun!

So back to my original question ‘What is constituted as art?’

I haven’t a fucking clue!

Personally I think Art is anything that leaves an effect on you, positive or negative, and gets you talking and passionate about a subject… and the Tate Modern in Liverpool has certainly fulfilled that mission statement!

A Loss Of Innocence?

Hello World, may I say you’re looking really good today! Welcome to another post from yours truly, and thank you for joining me. Today’s rant may come across as the first signs of old age setting in, but as you continue to read I’m confident that the majority of you will begin to agree with some if not all of my ramblings. So with a deep breath, a sip of the coffee and a hint of nostalgia I shall begin.

Now is it just me or is it that the youth of today has completely lost it’s innocence? I mean just take a look around you when you’re walking the streets (I’m not suggesting any of you are homeless!) You see that girl there passing by? She looks like she’s been around a bit right? The bags under the heavily made up eyes? The short skirt and the Ugg boots? The leg warmers and the tutus? The strange orange tint to her skin tone? I see you nodding your head… Now look again… more than likely she’s not turned 16 yet! Now I don’t want this post to get too heavy, my opening gambit is simply to illustrate the modern day loss of innocence. Young girls (more so than boys,) are dressing and acting a lot older than their years, image has replaced personality in a big way. Take for instance the groups of young teenage girls you see walking around the town centre on a weekend, all clones of each other, same hair, same clothes, same make up, same class orange ‘Piz Buin’ UK tans. It would seem that standing out from the crowd does not compute for youth these days, it seems that you must conform to a certain look! Is it this clone mentality that see’s the amount of employees at McDonald’s increase? I think it’s a certain idea that trying to look older will somehow benefit you in some way, but to what extent? I mean you still can’t legally have booze until you’re 18 and when you’re on a night out the bar staff and bouncers are supposed to ‘Challenge 21’ (which doesn’t ever really happen!) It was easy enough to get your hands on a bit of booze from somewhere when you was a kid when I was growing up, but to be honest not one kid could admit that they enjoyed the taste of beer back then. If anything it made you want to wait until you was a bit older in hope that your body would suddenly develop taste buds that would make beer taste like Robinson’s fruit barley! (It never happened!) Back then it felt like an achievement if you got into a nightclub when you were 16, and made you thoroughly enjoy spending the tenner your Mum and Dad gave you for getting a cinema ticket and getting sweets for the sleep over at your mates! Now the youth of today have under 18 nights at nightclubs, where because of age restraints on selling alcohol to under-agers, the £10 you’d get pissed on when going out under age back in the day, can now convert into two bottle of Pepsi and an orange cordial! What I’m trying to say is that when I was a kid I was looking forward to getting older so that I could experience nights out and nightclubs, where as now kids have had the experience of a nightclub before they’re 18 (just minus the booze and the girls throwing up in the corner!)

I suppose all of this loss of innocence isn’t so much of a surprise when you look at the way media has affected kids lives these days! With programmes such as ’16 and Pregnant’, ‘The Sex Education Show’ and the like, magazine articles on everything from ‘What you should be doing with your life’, ‘What you should wear’, ‘What you should eat’, to ‘Who’s hot and who’s not!’ Children are actively being encouraged to grow up swiftish and choose role models that struggle enough with their own lives that evidently they don’t have time to look after themselves!

Anyway I’m loosing my track of thought now, and to be fair it just sounds like I’m being a grumpy old man! But anyone with children or and children that happen to read this pitiful article, my point is don’t grow up/let them grow up too quickly… enjoy childhood for what it is, a truly fun time! Growing up will wait for you!!! With that almost poetic final flourish I’m off that perhaps I’ve changed a few lives… and ‘Shagging at 13, Pregnant, Anorexic & Famous’ is on in Ten minutes… Just kidding!

Much Love

Mojo

Click Ass For Kick Ass & Other Random Adventures!

So yet again I’m faced with returning after a considerable amount of time, and for my fans (all 72 of you on Facebook) I apologise for my absence! To the rest of you, I still aren’t producing enough traffic so get telling your friends and family, and even people you don’t know… perhaps it’ll be a good way to start a conversation with that ‘hot guy from the gym’ or even ‘the fat bastard from the chip shop!’ Anyway I digress, it’s time for me to do what I do best and ramble (Not the country walking!) In this episode I guess I’ll bring you up to date with a few things I’ve been doing/watching and then this will probably fuel me to write a full feature blog… we can only hope!

First off let me thank Jane Goldman & Matthew Vaughn for putting together the screenplay for the best film of 2010. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that ‘Kick-Ass‘ will remain the movie of 2010, it’s certainly going to take something spectacular to even put a dent in it’s reputation! If you still haven’t taken a stroll down to your local cinema, (or a cinema that isn’t so local), to see the movie then I must ask “Why the fuck not?”

Kick-Ass has been adapted from it’s original comic book which was written by the mighty Mark Millar (who was also the creator of ‘Wanted’, the film adaptation of this comic book however, did not do him justice!) You really should read the comic book first to fully appreciate how much effort has been put into making the movie an authentic experience! Fantastic performances from everyone in the cast. Little known Aaron Johnson (John Lennon – Nowhere Boy) makes his ‘major film’ debut as Kick-Ass, and I hope that this role forwards his career. Credit also goes to Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Red Mist), Nicolas Cage (Big Daddy) and thank God for the introduction of actress Chloe Moretz playing the fantastic role of ‘Hit Girl‘. The film has been expertly directed, and the choreography of the fight sequences are quite possibly the best I have ever seen! The soundtrack is also fantastic, sporting the coolest theme tune ‘Stand Up’ by ‘The Prodigy’… You all really need to buy it to fully appreciate the hand picked tunage! Overall this film is the complete package. Unfortunately I am not going to disclose any plot lines, because I feel you really have to experience Kick-Ass on the cinema screen and on paper yourselves. I therefore am going to leave this miniature review here, and tell all of my readers to get out there and see it… Go NOW, seriously, this article will still be here when you get back!!!

My second shout out goes to the first feel good film of 2010 Blind Side. The true life story of NFL star Micheal Oher, growing up as ‘Big Mike’ (Quinton Aaron) a boy who has a crack whore for a Mother and it’s anyones guess who his Father was/is! The plot is summed up as thus (ahem!) Poor 7 foot tall black boy built like a brick shit house gets enrolled at a posh school but is thick! He sleeps on random sofas and doesn’t have a fixed address so sometimes roams the streets. Cue Sandra Bullock playing MILF Leigh Anne Tuohy, who is a rich white woman with Southern American accent which is actually quite enticing! She see’s ‘Big Mike’ roaming said streets and basically adopts him into her family. All credit goes to Sandra Bullock, who up until this role I haven’t really rated as an actress. But anyway, in the meantime ‘Big Mike’ finds that because of his size he makes a great American football player in the position of a ‘blind side’ (Obvious title choice!) In the end he’s legally adopted by the Tuohy’s and lives happily ever after making hundreds of thousands of dollars playing in the NFL! To be honest I’ve just read the summary back to myself and I haven’t made it sound too appealing, (other than the Sandra Bullock bit,) but ‘Blind Side’ really is quite a good film if you fancy seeing a movie which leaves you with a warm, fuzzy feeling which I can only describe as the feeling you get after giving the ‘Big Issue’ seller a quid. It is a film that for a while restores faith in humanity… but only for a while! Go see it to save yourself giving away that quid to the tramp!

In other news if you tuned into ITV1 on the 15th of April at around eight thirty pm, you would have been watching ‘The Live Political Debate‘. A programme to allow the three major political parties to bullshit the population of the UK in the run up to the elections on the 6th of May. I don’t want to turn this blog into a political war horse, so I am only going to comment on the format of the show, which made me think how it could have been improved. The layout was a stage with three podia (I love that word!) behind which stood Nick Clegg (Lid Dems), the unnaturally smooth, smug face of David Cameron (Conservatives) and our current Prime Minister Gordon Brown (Labour) who has always looked like a domesticated grizzly bear! They stood before what I can only describe as a gathering of dimwits who where picked to apparently represent the widest range of the UK’s population. There was even a token priest that looked like a ginger ‘Dougal’ from ‘Father Ted’ who must have been there to represent Channel 4 comedy?

The whole hour and thirty minutes was dictated by Alastair Stewart, the only man in the world other than the evil David Dimbleby, that could probably get away with slapping the Prime Minister. He insured that each of the leaders stuck the the allotted time slot of about two minutes, and stopped them mid sentence on numerous occasions, getting angry if any of them tried to finish. The leaders each had  minute introduction before the debate began, which reminded me a little of how the teams on ‘Egg Heads’ introduce themselves, “My name is Nick. I enjoy secluded areas of the A1079, and my specialist subject is bullshitting the Nation!” At the end of the show each leader was then given a one and a half minute slot to sum up the reason you should vote, much akin to the “Take Care Of Yourselves, And Each Other” spiel from the Jerry Springer Show. I would have improved it by putting the vote to the nation like ‘Britains Got Talent’, Get Simon Cowell, Duncan Bannatyne and Sir Alan Sugar on a panel with red push buttons, when on pressing them opens up a trapdoor, beneath which are some starved Lions? Or better still channel 4 could adopt a Big Brother style programme in which the political leaders must live in the same house together and be handed tasks to complete for a Month, the overall winner will then be sworn into the Prime Ministers role! Now that would make the trip to put a card with an X in a box a little less tedious don’t you think?

Mojo

Here’s a little song to get you through the day!

‘Not My Fault I’m Fat’… Apparently!

So I was sat at a friends house watching television today when I stumbled across an absolute gem of a television programme on some satellite channel called simply ‘Not My Fault I’m Fat!‘ This particular episode (Yes it’s a series!) consisted of a boy called Hamousa who was 15 years old and weighed, well lets just say he was fat for his age! Hamousa’s parents go on to say that it is not their fault that their son is so overweight, however we see in the random clips of Hamousa’s every day routine that this may be a bit of a lie. For breakfast he is served a pile of pancakes which he hungrily devours followed closely for seconds a chocolate muffin or two. Later that day he eats a bowl of pasta… healthy you may think? The bowl is the size of a mixing bowl and is drowned in a vat of mayonnaise! Very shortly this is followed by a pie. He takes his first two courses of the day in his favourite armchair, not his favourite by choice you understand but because the chubby little fucker can’t be arsed to move anywhere else until at least late afternoon! This is unless his Mother asks him to put out the laundry (The Bitch!) This simple task, other than walking to the fridge and various cupboards around the house to gorge on crisps and buns, seems to be the only true form of exercise little (big!) Hamousa does through the entire show! So his parents are most definitely not to blame for feeding raw fat to their under exercised son, so who else could be? Let’s look for a second at the shows title ‘Not MY Fault I’m Fat!‘, this clearly states that Hamousa himself is not to blame, however there is substantial evidence against the defendant I’m afraid, as little Hamousa (I’m going to stop calling him little now incase people ridicule me for being patronising!) has ample opportunity to try and get himself back into shape, by eating 3 pies a day instead of 6, and only having one course of food per daily meal! Also rather than only taking the washing out, perhaps he could bring it in later in the day too? (Just a thought!) Anyway as the title clearly states He’s not to blame, so who is? Not his family and friends because they make that very clear between Hamousa’s busy feeding schedule, so who?! This is where the little (I did it again!) chubby twat makes me roll around on the floor, much akin to the way Hamousa would roll about on the floor, just I’d be laughing, and would be able to get up afterwards without the use of 6 friends or a crane! He decides that it is the food companies that are to blame for making all the food he likes so damn nice, and fattening! Now I’m impartial to the odd ‘Krusty Creme‘ donut, however I also know that more than one without exercise everyday will make you fat! It would seem our foreign fatty doesn’t grasp this simple equation or perhaps he just can’t be arsed to think logic anymore! So damn you food companies for making kids like Hamousa fat, as it would seem you’re entirely to blame!

I did a little more digging on the subject and stumbled across a story on ‘The Fattest Kid In The World‘ and this may sound a little harsh, but she’s fucking HUGE! I’ll give you a few excerpts from the article:

Seven-year-old Jessica Gaude differs greatly from her pals. With 420 lbs, she is the fattest child in the world.


No shit she differs!

She eats 10,000 calories each day in Coca-Colas, 15 hamburgers with fries and several kilograms of chocolate. What she eats in one day some children eat in half a year. Her breakfast consists of white bread, potato chips and two litres of coke. And she wants more.

You see there’s the problem… It’s definitely the white bread that’s doing it! The article goes on to say that her mother stockpiled the food Jessica wanted because she threw a tantrums if they had to go pick things up from the store, and that she had to result to rolling and dragging herself along the floor as she was too fat to walk! Luckily there’s a happy end to this story because this was filmed in 2005 and therefore there’s been plenty of time for kids to try and beat her record for  ‘World’s Fattest Child‘ and also the child protective services rescued her from her home of food and put her on a strict diet and exercise programme, literally forcing her to loose weight to stop her from dying… Personally I would have told her to keep the weight on, she looks fucking miserable as a skinny kid!

It would seem that Britain as a nation has been holding a love affair for the lives of fat people for a few years now. Every satellite channel has at least one half hour slot dedicated to a fat person or fat people. The affair goes so far that I flicked over a channel showing ‘Worlds fattest pets‘ (I feel sorry for them because they really don’t have a choice do they!) ‘Inside Britain’s fattest Man‘, ‘Fat Beauty Contest‘ (Yes fat people aren’t just fat!) ‘Fat Pets‘, ‘Fat Pets, Fat Owners‘, ‘Fat Doctor‘ (Now I’ve haven’t actually watched Fat Doctor, but I really hope it’s simply an overweight doctor handing out prescriptions in his surgery!) ‘Morbidly Obese‘ (Oh yes obese is another word for fat!) ‘Half Ton Man‘ (Sounds a bit like a superhero, however I don’t think eating is a super power!) You see what I mean, that is the smallest selection of fat based shows I could think off the top of my head, but it definitely highlights a trend in our nations television watching. However topping the genre poll at the moment, are shows which involve ‘dancing‘ or ‘vampires‘ so I guess it wouldn’t come as too much of a shock for you when in a couple of months you see the advert for ‘Fat Celebrity Vampires Dancing On Ice‘!

Here’s The Link For The Story On Jessica Gaude (Simply For Context, Not Amusement…Honestly!)