A Right Royal Mess!

Hello World! Once again it’s been far too long since my last instalment and for that I have to say… what did you expect?!

I pick up this blog after Britain united in the mass hysteria that was the Royal Wedding.  On the 29th of April you couldn’t get away from it. Royal Wedding fever hit the nation and it would seem that everyone wanted to jump on the bandwagon. Rumours circled a few days before the wedding that people were having street parties and get togethers to celebrate, proving that once again us in good old Blighty find any type of excuse for a knees up!

I personally tried to flee from the hype of it all, which in itself proved a near impossibility with balloons, bunting and for some bizarre reason personal messages for the happy couple in Three Foot letters across shop windows. Every television channel boasted to have ‘The Best’ coverage of proceedings and it wouldn’t have surprised me to hear that QVC had shut up shop for the day! The whole World was watching, and coverage started from about 7am with random people saying what the couple would probably be doing at said times of the morning, most of it was complete bullshit like “Wills and Harry are probably eating a sausage sandwich and drinking a glass of port right now’. The likelihood was that our future King was either still asleep or having a morning shit!

The day unfolded as a wedding day usually does with guests arriving then the Grooms party followed a little later by the Bride, which by the reaction of the crowds was a complete surprise to them. Commoner Kate took forever to walk the aisle and seemed to be loving the fact that she had the right to walk so bloody slow. Perhaps she was weighing up her future subjects and deciding which she will have beheaded.

The dress was one of the most talked about subject of the day, who was it made by? How long was the train? What colour was the dress? Whether she’d turn up naked? Turns out that she was indeed wearing a wedding dress designed by Alexandra McQueen and it was very nice! (What more do you want?)

The ceremony was long and drawn out and they said the ‘I do’ bits and they were married, which was good because that was the whole intention of the day.

The Newlyweds then took a trip to have a very subtle peck on the lips for their ‘first kiss’ when really you could see that Wills wanted nothing more than to get her home and give his new wife a damn good royal seeing to! I could tell by the look on Harry’s face that if Will didn’t take her away soon that he’d have a go! Basically the day ended there and through one wedding the Royal family extended their popularity for another 20 years!

To sum up the royal wedding, it was like a real life Disney movie, complete with the dashing Prince Charming, A lucky common woman, horse drawn carriages, A heart-warming theme tune and even the peasants in the streets celebrating with flagons of mead!

Not to be upstaged, 4 days later America decided that Great Britain had had too much attention and played their trump card by declaring that they had killed a man they had been looking for, for the past 11 years! Yes we’re talking about the death of Osama Bin Laden. Plenty of opportunities for the conspiracy theorists to sink their teeth into this one too! Shot Dead, Body Taken, Examined, Confirmed and Dumped at sea all before the day was out! Hmmmm… Something smells a little fishy there and I’m not just talking about Bin Ladens boot-straps!

I’m not going to get too political about this but is there any wonder that the World are more than a little suspicious of this ground shaking news when no evidence has been paraded? The news was greeted in America by people taking to the streets and chanting U.S.A making it seem like some sort of Worldwide sporting event, one that could replace the clay pigeon shoot at the Olympic games perhaps?! “And taking the Gold medal for terrorist shoot… United States Of America!” I’d watch it!

The outcome of this news is pretty uncertain, putting the whole world on tenterhooks like a particularly good episode of Eastenders, just an episode with slightly more bloodshed, less Cockney’s and with more real life repercussions!

So there you go, a couple of events that have ended April and started May! What’s in store for us over the coming Months I don’t know, but I do know one thing… I’ll have something to say about them.




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